Who’s Your Guru? Pedestals, Pedophiles, and Perfection

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Be careful who you idolize.

(Originally published on Nov. 19, 2025 in Sacred Creative Soul Speaks)

“RIP Deepak Chopra. Not because he’s dead, but because his name appeared in the Epstein emails.”

That was the opening hook for a reel that left me feeling confused and disappointed.

While I would never refer to Deepak Chopra as my guru, I have been following him and his work for decades. I remember when he first appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show in 1993, and when his book, Ageless Body, Timeless Mind, was published. I bought the book and read it in a couple of sittings. My spiritual seeking heart gobbled up his teachings, which felt to me like a breath of fresh air, and I purchased several of the 83 books he has written over the years. One of his books, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, published in 1994, remained on The New York Times’ Bestseller’s List for 72 weeks.

This man has sold a ton of books.

Today, when I learned that his name appeared in that famous pedophile’s emails, it forced me to examine why I had such a visceral reaction to this news. It’s because I had somehow placed him on a pedestal. I looked up to him as someone who had attained the spiritual knowledge and understanding that I aspired to. I looked up to him as a writer who had published so many successful books.

It will be interesting to see whether his association with that pack of predators will tank his meteoric success or if he will be implicated further. As for me, his fall has taught me to keep my eyes on my own paper, so to speak– to not look to a teacher or guide to replace the wisdom that’s already within me.

I will admit that I have fallen into the trap of this culture, which idolizes certain people for their accomplishments. I did not know this man. I did not know what he was really like as a human being. After doing just a little bit of research into his background and the reporting on his life, I can see now that he was just another human being who found a lot of success in his industry and rose to an incredible amount of fame and recognition by becoming associated with people like Oprah Winfrey, whose popularity at the time helped catapult him to fame.

I imagine I had the idea that Chopra was a spiritual master who had done “the work” and somehow risen above the trappings of wealth and celebrity in this culture.

I was wrong.

Because what on earth is a spiritual teacher doing hanging out with the likes of Jeffrey Epstein, and corresponding with him via email? Let me be clear, he has not yet been linked to any criminal activity.

I am doing my best not to judge this man, and I sincerely hope he has a safe passage through my mind. His life choices are none of my business, and I forgive myself for ever thinking that he was in any way better than me. We’re both human beings trying to figure out this thing called life.

So, I am taking my pen to paper today to share my thought process about the spirituality industry and how we, as human beings, tend to look up to others whom we perceive to be on a higher level. What I want to remind you is that you, dear reader, have everything you need inside you right now. Whatever wisdom Deepak Chopra managed to tap into and fill 83 books with is also available to you, and it’s available to me. I need to keep reminding myself of this truth.

Holding another out to be a guru and looking up to them is a good way to shift our responsibility for uncovering the truth that lives within us. This man became so ridiculously successful because enough people believed he had something they needed and that it could be bought.

As a spiritual coach, teacher, minister, and prayer practitioner, I have always understood that I am here to work myself out of a job. What I mean by that is this: when I pray with and for someone, I am lending my consciousness and my knowledge of the truth of who they are. My work is to hold the space for their healing and transformation until they can hold this knowledge and belief for themselves.

I have never aspired to be anyone’s guru.

What I know is that the divine, the Creator, the Mother/Father God lives within you and is expressing itself through you and as your life. I never want anyone to ever “look up” to me for anything. I will always point them back to themselves. This is why I write about deconversion and deconstruction. Spirituality can become toxic and a crutch in the same way that religion can if handled inappropriately.

In closing, I’ll ask, Who is your guru?

Who do you look up to with a bit of awe? Who can do no wrong in your eyes? I would offer that you pull back some of the reverence in which you might be holding another human being and aim it at yourself.

Your Source, the Spirit of the Most High, the Creator, Great Spirit, All There Is–no matter what you call it, is living on the inside of you. So don’t look up or out, because there’s no out there. Look within. That’s where you’ll find your spiritual liberation.

You are perfect as you are. You don’t need salvation or Baptism or Communion, meditation, Yoga, crystals, sage, a sweat lodge, or plant medicine to be healed and whole. You need to trust that whoever/whatever created you has got you. The Creator of the universe is absolutely in love with you.

When you know that for sure, you won’t need a guru anyway.

Pray for Their Happiness: Your Sister or Brother’s Good is Your Own

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What is unforgiveable?

(Originally published Nov. 13, 2025 in Sacred Creative Soul Speaks)

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” —Unknown

I’m writing this whilst still riding the energy of the powerful conversation I had with one of my mentors and friend, Rev. Dr. Michelle Wadleigh, about forgiveness. You can watch the Substack LIVE replay if you want to go deep with us on this critical topic. Her new book, Forgiveness, a Workbook for Emotional and Spiritual Freedom, dropped on November 11th. If you’re ready to take your spiritual journey to the highest level possible, I can’t recommend this book highly enough.

In our conversation, we spoke about the senseless killing of nine people ten years ago at Mother Emmanuel A.M.E. church in South Carolina. A young man walked into a church during a prayer service where the people prayed for him, and then he shot and killed nine of them. In the days following this horrible event, some of the church members who had been present, and some of the loved ones of those murdered, forgave the young man on national television.

There was significant controversy surrounding the public apology. Some said what that man did was unforgivable, others said they forgave him too quickly.

I posed the question to Rev. Michelle, “Is anything unforgiveable?”

I’ll let you watch the replay to catch the fullness of her answer, but she did say that we can forgive too quickly, that forgiveness is something we do for ourselves —to disentangle ourselves from the perceived wrongdoing of the other —and to keep the vessel of our consciousness clean and clear. To forgive too quickly before you have allowed yourself to process what has happened, and to do the deep, inner work, is to indulge in spiritual bypass.

Spiritual bypass occurs when you wave something away and declare that all is well without having done the deep, spiritual process required to resolve it and learn from it. You see, when you ascribe to the notion that we are all one, then there really is only one of us. So, whatever you are holding against another, you are holding against yourself.

She also spoke to the idea of living a life of non-judgement because if you don’t judge a person, then you don’t need forgiveness. It was through my four years plus of studying to become a licensed Science of Mind Prayer Practitioner that I learned the concept of replacing judgment with curiosity.

Which brings me to the inspiration for this post.

The admonishment to “pray for his happiness,” came to me from my mother while I was going through a messy divorce. My beloved ex-husband seemed to be trying to find ways to make things as difficult for me as possible as we parted ways. I was an emotional mess because of it.

I learned that her command to pray for his happiness was a trick, because we cannot pray for another’s happiness without calling that happiness to ourselves. And to pray for the happiness of someone you consider an enemy seems to carry with it an extra boost of healing power.

Just this morning, when I was praying with my prayer partner about the state of the world, and specifically about our government, we landed on the topic of our current president. I have taken to calling him “The Taco” to avoid getting activated when I say his given name.

Right there, while we were talking, Spirit said to me, “Pray for his happiness.” I was like, “What? No way!” and then I remembered that things do not go well when you question or disobey spiritual guidance.

Another thing I learned from Rev. Michelle is that everyone, including everyone, should have a clear passage through my mind. Spirit reminded me that the way I was currently holding the president in consciousness was not giving him clear passage through my mind.

  • But this is the man who is running a Pedophile Protection Program! Pray for his happiness.
  • He’s spending millions to tear down parts of the White House to build a gaudy ballroom while Americans go hungry. Pray for his happiness.
  • He’s purposefully dismantling this country. Pray for his happiness.
  • He is defunding Black America and attempting to erase the contributions of the people whose stolen labor built this country! Pray for his happiness.
  • And on and on. . .

Now, if you are still reading, I appreciate you. Let me assure you of this. By praying for the president’s or anyone else’s happiness, I am not in any way condoning anything they have done or will do.

Praying for his happiness is a thing I can do for myself to heal and clear the place in me where I was holding bitterness and hatred for this child of God. So, while I do not support anything he is doing, I pray for his happiness, well-being, and peace.

I offer that you pay attention to the energy with which you do anything. If you choose to protest the current administration’s actions, do so with love for your neighbors.

If you choose to boycott massive corporations that support this fascist regime, do so with a vision for a better world.

Finally, in his sermon, Loving Your Enemies, Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said,

“Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars”

If indeed we are all one, my brother and sister’s good is my good. But by that same token, when I indulge in hate and judgment, I’m adding that low vibration, dark energy to a world already swirling with it.

Whether you agree with me or not, I’d love to hear your thoughts on forgiveness in general, and my marching orders to pray for the president’s happiness.

God In Me, As Me, Is Me.

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What do I mean when I say my relationship with God is my relationship with myself?

(Originally published on October 29, 2025 in Sacred Creative Soul Speaks)

I am God.

Say it with me because it’s true for you, too. You, dear reader, are God.

When I used to identify as a Christian, those words would have sounded like blasphemy to my tender, believing ears. But to claim my divinity is not sacrilegious, it’s sacred.

What I know for sure is that there is only one God, by whatever name it is known and called. I refer to the All There Is as “it” because God does not exist on the convoluted gender binary that the human race has invented, as we have invented all manner of things, including religion.

We are individualized expressions of this one, which exists within each of us and is expressed uniquely as each one.

The trouble starts when high-control religions like Christianity try to convince their adherents to worship a higher power outside themselves, a “sky daddy,” in modern parlance, who, in some contexts, says that they are as filthy rags, but in other instances calls himself a god of love. (Because the God of Christendom is definitely male.) Please, somebody! Make it make sense.

I will say again that I am not advocating for the abolition of religion because if you like it, then I love it for you.

What I am advocating is spiritual liberation —the freedom to think and act guided by an internal moral compass.

What I love about Substack is that the folks here tend to have a live-and-let-live vibe. For the most part, we understand that everyone is entitled to their own point of view and beliefs, and everyone stays in their own lane. Fort the most part. But occasionally, some will bump up against beliefs that don’t comport with their worldview.

I’ve copied an exchange where I commented on a Substack Note, to which someone else made a comment on my comment:

At first, I just clicked the heart to “like” the comment because engagement —whether the person engaging meant it for good or harm —is engagement. But, not responding to it didn’t sit well in my spirit, and I had the time, so I composed a response setting them straight.

Calling my belief that God dwells within me and expresses itself through me and as my life, “devotion to my sin nature,” presupposes that I have a sin nature, which I do not. The concept of sin is a construct that I disagree with. What the commenter likely meant as a dig did not bother me in the slightest. It was a gift, as it inspired me to write this post to clarify my position. Also, I know that no one is against me, even if they think they are. So, I thanked that person for taking the time to leave a comment and carried on with my day.

If you, like me, are on the path of spiritual liberation, you will come against people who are firmly entrenched in their belief systems. They want to persuade you to adopt their worldview. I’m not here to try to convince anyone. Again, I’m here to come alongside those who have seen the truth, walked away from religion, and are committed to living their lives free of invented doctrine and dogma and knowing themselves as the God they seek.

“Give yourself completely to the one you call God. If you are not doing it you are wasting your time here.” –Rumi

Here’s my challenge to you: Write your definition of the God/Spirit/Source/All There Is of your understanding. Whether you share it in the comments, or keep it to yourself, it’s helpful to have in mind a clear definition of what God is and what it means to you.

How I Began My First Substack Newsletter

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Taking baby steps towards my dreams.

(Originally published on Substack September 9, 2024)

Today, I decided to face the reality of being a new Substacker and start writing my newsletter.

It’s funny how someone with more than ten years of online copywriting experience feels nervous about starting a new project! But here’s the thing: All these years, I have been writing—cranking out several pieces of content daily—but it’s never been under my name.

Thank you for taking this journey with me as I discover and share my voice.

Welcome to the inaugural edition of the Sacred Creative Soul Speaks Newsletter. I’ll begin with a brief introduction.

I have ADHD, which makes me a neurodivergent, multi-passionate, creative type. I’m a Minister, writer, artist, and divorced mom of three. I was born in Massachusetts but spent part of my growing-up years in Southern Oregon. Now, I live in northern New Jersey.

I’m using this newsletter to stay in touch with my growing community. I have been the most active on Instagram, but I also plan to dip my toe into YouTube. The core of my mission is to encourage everyone I encounter to embrace the idea that they have everything they need within them to live the life they intend to live. I am on that journey to create and re-create my life.

photo credit: Pexels Fahirbagir

As an ordained minister and prayer practitioner, I intend to point people back to themselves and the guru within. As an artist, I have learned and benefitted from the healing power of creative practice. I want to share techniques and practices for using creativity as a spiritual practice. Whether you write in a journal, draw, sketch, paint, stitch, or engage in your favorite creative pursuit, I’m here to encourage you to use that creative time for self-care and to show yourself some love and care.

I’ve also been on a journey to de-convert from religion. That might sound odd from an ordained minister, but please hear me out. I was indoctrinated into my family’s religion at birth. As a vulnerable child, I never had the chance to have thought autonomy in shaping my worldview or self-concept. Everything I learned about life, morality, and how to get along came to me through a religious lens.

Whenever I asked questions about things that didn’t make sense to me, the adults around me discouraged me from asking questions instead of receiving answers. The adults in my life told me to believe, have faith, and not ask so many questions. Pray, obey, and pay.

Somehow, I managed to preserve my relationship with God while I divested myself of the trappings of organized religion. I am learning about de-conversion, deconstruction, and a wonderful thing called free thinking.

Also, given the unrelenting passing of time, I’m moving into my crone era. So, I’ll share the occasional post about ageing in this youth-obsessed society and culture.

So, you’re welcome to join me on my path to finding peace through creativity as a spiritual practice and enlightenment on the other side of man-made religion. I’m an earthy-crunchy Taurus, so you’ll also find content around gardening, growing plants, forest bathing, cooking, and other comforts.

P.S. If you’re also on a deconversion journey from organized religion, I’m putting the finishing touches on a guided journal that will inspire you to let go of the old ideas and inspire you to open your mind and heart to a more self-directed path in life. (Coming Soon!)

A Modern Lenten Practice for 2023

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God Called Me

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On May 14, 2022, I received my ordination as a Minister of Spiritual Consciousness. For the past three years I have been attending seminary one weekend per month with a summer break. I attended classes in Maryland, and since I live in New Jersey, this required a three-and-a-half-hour drive. It was 100 percent worth it. I can honestly say that my life is unrecognizable from what it was when I began my ministerial journey at a weekend retreat in the hills of Maryland.

Becoming a minister transformed me from someone who was addicted to limited thinking, operating in an energy of “not-enough,” and believing that I had to keep doing more to be acceptable to God and to others.

Now, I stand here, completely in love with myself, confident in the knowledge that God is within me and expressing itself through me and as me, and that I need do nothing to earn the love of God or the acceptance of others.

My sacred name is: Ambilikile, which means, “God called me.”

The path to ordination was long and often a steep, uphill climb. I am grateful for the love and support of my ministerial cohort—The Sages. There were six of us in my ministerial class on day one, and six of us received our ordination together. I am proud to be a part of such an amazing group of women. Each of us created the experience we needed to make it through seminary during a pandemic. We share a beautiful bond which I will always cherish.

When I was studying to become a licensed Prayer Practitioner, my senior Pastor, Rev. Dr. Michelle Wadleigh, used to tell us that in becoming a practitioner, we have agreed to do our healing in public. The same goes for becoming a minister. Being a Reverend does not mean that I am any better or worse than the next person. It does mean that I have yielded my life in service to God. It does mean that in addition to doing my healing in public, I must also conduct my life in a manner that is pleasing to God. My mission is simple: Love God. Love my sisters and brothers.

In the days leading up to ordination, I wanted to find a way to symbolize leaving the “old” me behind as I stepped into the newest version of myself as a minister. I began my seminary path with long locs. I had been hearing from Spirit that I needed to cut off six inches of my hair, which had grown down past my bottom. My teacher, and the founder of Inner Visions Institute for Spiritual Development, Rev. Dr Iyanla Vanzant, took me aside and told me that she had been hearing from Spirit that I needed to release six inches of my hair. I was in no way required to do so, but having heard it myself and then from Mama Iya, I knew it was time. Around that time, I was talking to my mom, who also heard the message that it was time to cut my hair. In the end I decided to release all my hair. During the consecration ceremony the day before ordination, Mama Iya cut off my locs.

In releasing my hair I was able to make a clean break with what had been, and step clean and fresh into the newness of life. I kept my locs. I have wrapped them in a white cloth in my linen closet. The locs that Mama cut from my crown are on my Ancestor altar.

My anointing is as a Minister of Selfless Service. My tools are love and service, and my purpose is to educate.

After an intense three years of training, I am taking the summer to decompress, meditate, pray, and listen for the guidance of the Holy Spirit about how I will proceed in my ministry. What I would love to do is use art-making and other forms of creative expression to facilitate healing and transformation. SO many people are walking around in pain, feeling lost, lacking direction, or looking for guidance and inspiration without all the religious dogma and guilt. I intend to extend the love of God to everyone who is interested. I can point people back to themselves because each of us already has everything we need within us right now for healing and transformation. All you need is a little bit of willingness.

So, here I am. A freshly minted Reverend who is eager to do what God would have me do and that is to serve the Divine by serving Its people. Please stay tuned for more details about how my ministry will emerge. I am as eager as anyone to see what the Holy Spirit will have me doing in this world. In the meantime, I am always available for prayer.

Tarot Cards, Oracle Cards, and Christianity: Spoiler Alert. Tarot Cards Are Not Evil

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“Tarot cards are evil!” “Divination is of the devil.” These are the things I heard about Tarot growing up, so I never dared follow my curiosity about them when I was younger.

I was born and raised in the Christian church. I was raised to believe that the Bible is the word of God, that I was a wretched sinner who was saved by grace, and that God is in heaven keeping an eye on me and is ready to smite me at any moment for my sins.

Now that I am a free-thinking adult, who has spent much of her life exploring faith and searching for the God of my understanding within, I have come to my own beliefs and conclusions about the ideas that were instilled in me as a child.

In 2016, I encountered Kiala Givehand online. She is a mixed-media artist, book artist, writer, and teacher, and an all-around fascinating human being. I have had a life-long interest in journaling, and she was the first person I met who validated my penchant for having several journals for several different purposes. In 2017, Kiala launched what I believe started out to be a 30-day class called, “Pull, Pen, Paint.” I loved everything I was reading about this class, but I was feeling conflicted about the “pull” aspect because that referred to Tarot and other oracle cards. In my mind, I dismissed Tarot and other forms of divination because I was told that these things were evil and that I should have no parts of any of it.

Around the same time, I was working with a spirituality and business coach, Rev. Valerie Love. Here was a powerful, dynamic woman of God who also used Tarot cards! She assured me that they were not evil and reminded me that the cards themselves have no power.

But I did my own research and I learned about the origins of Tarot and oracle cards which served to demystify the whole situation for me. Tarot cards are a specific type of oracle card. So all Tarot cards are oracle cards, but not all oracle cards are Tarot.

Although there are many conflicting stories about the origins of the Tarot, the first decks were originally created to be playing cards for entertainment in the mid-15th century in Europe. Later they began to be used for divination.

A Tarot deck is made up of 78 pictorial cards. The first 22 cards comprise the major arcana and are numbered from 0 to 22. The minor arcana comprises the remaining 56 cards and is divided into four suits: swords, wands, cups, and pentacles. Every suit has ten numbered cards and four court cards depicting a King, Queen, Knight, and Page.

Because entire books have been written on this topic on which I am but a novice, I am simplifying it to my understanding to say that Tarot cards are just a tool that draws on universal energy and wisdom. The skilled reader learns to interpret the elaborately detailed pictures to tell the story of a spread of cards that are pulled with intention for the client.

When a Tarot reader does a reading, they are tapping into the energy of the client. The subconscious mind communicates through images. The images on the cards simply depict a wide variety of human circumstances and conditions. Any power at work is in the consciousness of the client from which the reader is drawing during the reading.

In Pull, Pen Paint, we do not use engage in “fortune-telling” or in trying to divine the future using any kind of divination method. The cards tell a story of what could possibly occur for the person being read for if nothing changes. A card reading represents a potential outcome, it is not set in stone, and the person always has free will and the ability to change course or do something different.

Oracle cards are decks of cards with images and words, or sometimes just images with no words, or words with no images. Oracle cards can be created using a structured system or in an unstructured way according to a theme that the author of the deck has developed. As an artist, I love oracle decks because I can appreciate all of the thought, care, and devotion that the artist puts into each card which is really a miniature work of art. A person can ask a question of the universe within and pull an oracle card that gives a possible answer or solution. Working with oracle cards helps a person develop their intuition. People who read oracle cards for other people share their intuitive gifts with others through a card reading.

In Pull, Pen, Paint classes and workshops, there is often developed a wonderful, synchronistic energy among and between the members of the group despite being separated by hundreds or even thousands of miles. Working in a group of like-minded souls is a wonderful way to learn to develop and trust your intuition, to be reminded that we are all one and that the powers of good are always leaning in your direction.

If you are a Christian, and you ask the God of your understanding questions in prayer, and you feel hesitant about satisfying your curiosity about the Tarot, oracle cards, and other forms of divination, I offer that you pray about it and ask for clear guidance. If you ask in prayer, your prayers will always be answered.

After you pray, do your own research and come to your own conclusions as I did. Do not let those old voices from your childhood hinder your ability to be freely expressed today.

Another cool thing about Oracle cards and Tarot is that you can use them in combination with your prayers. It opens so many amazing possibilities for your personal and spiritual development.

If any of this sounds interesting to you, and you would enjoy working with a wonderful group of people who are interested in creative expression, developing their intuition, personal development, and exploring things like divination, astrology, sacred symbols, and more, I invite you to consider registering for Pull, Pen Paint. Click on the link to explore more.

My Art Work is Good Compared to What?

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I learned to paint in oil on canvas when I was in college. I loved painting, but I never considered that I could make a living as a painter. For me, it was a very fulfilling hobby, which I was forced to set aside to make room for being a wife, raising my children and working. Over the intervening years since then, I have dabbled occasionally in painting. I would make a painting and give it away as a gift, but most of my work was carefully stored in the back of a closet and life moved on.

During the COVID-19 lockdown, I was inspired to pull out my art supplies and paint again. It soothed my anxiety and gave my hands something to do during those long months of not being able to leave the house.

When I was attending Catholic school as a child, I became fascinated by Mary, the Mother of God. I would pray to her, and she was always there when I needed solace. I have also written poetry about my relationship with Mary. When I started painting again, Mary came to me and told me to paint her, but with brown skin, so I did. Then she told me to paint her with a garland of roses encircling her head, and then she told me to paint her with her palms facing the viewer, and if she were offering healing. As I prepared the canvas for those paintings, she told me to write the, “Hail Mary,” prayer on the canvas first, so I did.  The words have been painted over so that you can not see them, but they are there, and I feel like they give the paintings a special energy.

At first, I was painting to amuse myself and to soothe the jangling stress that can arise when one is living in a pandemic. As an empath, I was feeling all the feels, and there was a lot of fear and anxiety in the air in those early days of lockdown. As soon as I decided that this time I was going to paint professionally and sell my work, I suddenly became critical of my art. I scrolled though Pinterest and countless online art galleries and I looked at the work of other artists and I became dejected and morose. When I compared my work to other artists, I was unhappy with it. I started working with an art coach and she helped me to get my head on straight and stop comparing my work to other artists. She told me to paint in my own style and in the way I was being guided to paint because I had a unique style and I had something to say with my art.

 Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and he was correct. As soon as I stopped trying to make my work look like what I thought it should look like, and started painting for the sheer joy of it, my work blossomed.  I can see improvement in my work with every painting. I am falling in love with the process and I am enjoying what I am producing.

I had been very shy about showing my work because I figured, if I were as critical of my work, I would not be able to bear receiving criticism from others. But I sucked it up and started posting my work on Instagram. I created a Facebook page for my art, and I started making short videos about my art.

Last week I received my first commission, which gave me such a thrill.

Now, I am balancing my time between working on commissions and working on my own paintings. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to make my living from doing my own creative work. I return to seminary in September, so I will be balancing work and school and making art. I intend to grow my art practice to the point where I will be doing my ministerial work and pursuing my art career. I hope to even find a way to combine the two, which would create for me a life of bliss.

I will end with this lovely quote from Lao Tzu, “When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.” Rather than being concerned about whether others respect me, I respect myself and that is what matters.

Visit my Fine Art page on Facebook

Follow me on Instagram: @sacredcreativesoul

I’m Launching My Book During National Poetry Month

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April is National Poetry Month. This year, more than any other year, I could not be more pleased to see the coming of this new month. It’s been a while since I participated in National Poetry Month. In years past, I was a member of an online poetry group, and every year we had a poem-a-day challenge for the month of April, which was always a lot of fun. I can’t say that I ever got 30 poems written, but it did help to inspire my creativity and light a little fire under the hind parts of my Muse. I am especially excited to greet this month because my first volume of poetry is coming out. I recently completed my first poetry collection called, I Am Heaven. I could not be more thrilled to hold my first book in my hands. I even shot a quick video of the experience and I managed to do it without crying on camera! A few of the poems in that book were written during the 30 poems in 30 days challenges that I have participated in over the years.

My book is launching, and thanks to the ‘Rona (COVID-19), I will not be able to do any live events. I will be doing a “virtual launch” and I will schedule a live party after the lockdown has been lifted. Last week, I participated in an online writing group where we did timed writing sprints together. I’m thinking about hosting a few Instagram Live poetry writing and reading sprints, given the fact that we’re all stuck at home. Stay tuned. I’ll be posting updates on Instagram about the virtual writing sprints.

Follow me on Instagram: @sacredcreativesoul, @evelynbknits

Resources for National Poetry Writing Month:

NaPoWriMo

Sign-up to get a poem a day in your inbox from poets.org:

Living That Lockdown Life

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We are entering week three of self-quarantine thanks to the spread of COVID-19. Staying at home day in and day out, not leaving except to walk the dog and not driving anywhere but the grocery store has been a fascinating experience. As an introvert (I am a pure INFJ on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator), when I first heard the news about self-quarantine I said, “Oh, I’ve got this. I’ve been training for this my whole life!” (Giggling under my breath.) But something shifts when you have been ordered to stay inside when going outside and coming into contact with other humans could be detrimental to your health and possibly theirs is another story entirely. While I tend to be compliant and a rule-follower, I do have a rebellious streak. At first, I felt a bit defiant, and honestly, in a lot of denial about the seriousness of this thing. I know that I am not sick, nor have I been in contact with anyone who is sick. But I don’t know with whom other people have been in contact. If I want to help “flatten the curve” of infections, I can do my part by keeping my rebellious behind at home.

My spiritual community held church services online yesterday, and about 60 or so people participated. It was a fun way to connect with my spiritual family from a safe distance.  Rev. Joel Fotinos, who is an associate pastor at my church mentioned that he heard someone say that self-quarantine is like the universe telling everyone to go to their room and think about what they have done. I am choosing to treat it as an extended spiritual retreat. I am treating this as a sacred time that I can spend focusing on my spiritual and personal development. Last week was an art week. I did a big mixed-media art project and I made four art journals and one blank journal for a class I’m taking called, Pull, Pen, Paint with the fabulous Kiala Givehand.

What I love about this situation is that it seems to have come to teach each of us an individualized lesson. For some people, it might have come to teach them that they don’t know as much about their children as they thought they did. For others, it might have come to show them how much they rely on the distractions of work, socializing, etc. For me, it has come to teach me how much I have taken those I love for granted. It has come to teach me how selfish I have been with my time and attention, and it is revealing to me the need to deepen my relationship with God.

I am blessed to be a healer, a prayer practitioner, and a seminary student. However, those trappings do not insulate me from fear. When the haze of complete denial was lifted from me, I’m gonna be honest, I had a bit of a freak-out moment. (I’m not giggling anymore.) I began to think about what this crisis is going to do to our economy, and what might happen if the people I know and love get sick. What if I got sick? I began to think about how my life will never be what it was pre-COVID-19, but I have no idea what it will be going forward. But the beautiful part is that I get to decide. I can create a whole new future for myself. And I get to trust that I am divinely guided and supported and that all is well.

As I learn to navigate that #lockdownlife and deal with the challenges of #quarantinelife, I remember that God is always with me, it is within me and it is expressing itself through me and as my life in every moment. God is in this whole situation. God is speaking to this storm as this storm. I am praying for a halt to the spread of new cases of the virus. I am praying for healing for those who are sick with it. I am praying that each of us learns to be obedient and follow the rules that the government established to help curb the spread of the virus. I am praying that each of us learns the unique lessons that this bug came to teach us so that it can fade away to dust and allow us to get on with our new lives.