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On May 14, 2022, I received my ordination as a Minister of Spiritual Consciousness. For the past three years I have been attending seminary one weekend per month with a summer break. I attended classes in Maryland, and since I live in New Jersey, this required a three-and-a-half-hour drive. It was 100 percent worth it. I can honestly say that my life is unrecognizable from what it was when I began my ministerial journey at a weekend retreat in the hills of Maryland.
Becoming a minister transformed me from someone who was addicted to limited thinking, operating in an energy of “not-enough,” and believing that I had to keep doing more to be acceptable to God and to others.
Now, I stand here, completely in love with myself, confident in the knowledge that God is within me and expressing itself through me and as me, and that I need do nothing to earn the love of God or the acceptance of others.
My sacred name is: Ambilikile, which means, “God called me.”
The path to ordination was long and often a steep, uphill climb. I am grateful for the love and support of my ministerial cohort—The Sages. There were six of us in my ministerial class on day one, and six of us received our ordination together. I am proud to be a part of such an amazing group of women. Each of us created the experience we needed to make it through seminary during a pandemic. We share a beautiful bond which I will always cherish.
When I was studying to become a licensed Prayer Practitioner, my senior Pastor, Rev. Dr. Michelle Wadleigh, used to tell us that in becoming a practitioner, we have agreed to do our healing in public. The same goes for becoming a minister. Being a Reverend does not mean that I am any better or worse than the next person. It does mean that I have yielded my life in service to God. It does mean that in addition to doing my healing in public, I must also conduct my life in a manner that is pleasing to God. My mission is simple: Love God. Love my sisters and brothers.
In the days leading up to ordination, I wanted to find a way to symbolize leaving the “old” me behind as I stepped into the newest version of myself as a minister. I began my seminary path with long locs. I had been hearing from Spirit that I needed to cut off six inches of my hair, which had grown down past my bottom. My teacher, and the founder of Inner Visions Institute for Spiritual Development, Rev. Dr Iyanla Vanzant, took me aside and told me that she had been hearing from Spirit that I needed to release six inches of my hair. I was in no way required to do so, but having heard it myself and then from Mama Iya, I knew it was time. Around that time, I was talking to my mom, who also heard the message that it was time to cut my hair. In the end I decided to release all my hair. During the consecration ceremony the day before ordination, Mama Iya cut off my locs.
In releasing my hair I was able to make a clean break with what had been, and step clean and fresh into the newness of life. I kept my locs. I have wrapped them in a white cloth in my linen closet. The locs that Mama cut from my crown are on my Ancestor altar.
My anointing is as a Minister of Selfless Service. My tools are love and service, and my purpose is to educate.
After an intense three years of training, I am taking the summer to decompress, meditate, pray, and listen for the guidance of the Holy Spirit about how I will proceed in my ministry. What I would love to do is use art-making and other forms of creative expression to facilitate healing and transformation. SO many people are walking around in pain, feeling lost, lacking direction, or looking for guidance and inspiration without all the religious dogma and guilt. I intend to extend the love of God to everyone who is interested. I can point people back to themselves because each of us already has everything we need within us right now for healing and transformation. All you need is a little bit of willingness.
So, here I am. A freshly minted Reverend who is eager to do what God would have me do and that is to serve the Divine by serving Its people. Please stay tuned for more details about how my ministry will emerge. I am as eager as anyone to see what the Holy Spirit will have me doing in this world. In the meantime, I am always available for prayer.
“Tarot cards are evil!” “Divination is of the devil.” These are the things I heard about Tarot growing up, so I never dared follow my curiosity about them when I was younger.
I was born and raised in the Christian church. I was raised to believe that the Bible is the word of God, that I was a wretched sinner who was saved by grace, and that God is in heaven keeping an eye on me and is ready to smite me at any moment for my sins.
Now that I am a free-thinking adult, who has spent much of her life exploring faith and searching for the God of my understanding within, I have come to my own beliefs and conclusions about the ideas that were instilled in me as a child.
In 2016, I encountered Kiala Givehand online. She is a mixed-media artist, book artist, writer, and teacher, and an all-around fascinating human being. I have had a life-long interest in journaling, and she was the first person I met who validated my penchant for having several journals for several different purposes. In 2017, Kiala launched what I believe started out to be a 30-day class called, “Pull, Pen, Paint.” I loved everything I was reading about this class, but I was feeling conflicted about the “pull” aspect because that referred to Tarot and other oracle cards. In my mind, I dismissed Tarot and other forms of divination because I was told that these things were evil and that I should have no parts of any of it.
Around the same time, I was working with a spirituality and business coach, Rev. Valerie Love. Here was a powerful, dynamic woman of God who also used Tarot cards! She assured me that they were not evil and reminded me that the cards themselves have no power.
But I did my own research and I learned about the origins of Tarot and oracle cards which served to demystify the whole situation for me. Tarot cards are a specific type of oracle card. So all Tarot cards are oracle cards, but not all oracle cards are Tarot.
Although there are many conflicting stories about the origins of the Tarot, the first decks were originally created to be playing cards for entertainment in the mid-15th century in Europe. Later they began to be used for divination.
A Tarot deck is made up of 78 pictorial cards. The first 22 cards comprise the major arcana and are numbered from 0 to 22. The minor arcana comprises the remaining 56 cards and is divided into four suits: swords, wands, cups, and pentacles. Every suit has ten numbered cards and four court cards depicting a King, Queen, Knight, and Page.
Because entire books have been written on this topic on which I am but a novice, I am simplifying it to my understanding to say that Tarot cards are just a tool that draws on universal energy and wisdom. The skilled reader learns to interpret the elaborately detailed pictures to tell the story of a spread of cards that are pulled with intention for the client.
When a Tarot reader does a reading, they are tapping into the energy of the client. The subconscious mind communicates through images. The images on the cards simply depict a wide variety of human circumstances and conditions. Any power at work is in the consciousness of the client from which the reader is drawing during the reading.
In Pull, Pen Paint, we do not use engage in “fortune-telling” or in trying to divine the future using any kind of divination method. The cards tell a story of what could possibly occur for the person being read for if nothing changes. A card reading represents a potential outcome, it is not set in stone, and the person always has free will and the ability to change course or do something different.
Oracle cards are decks of cards with images and words, or sometimes just images with no words, or words with no images. Oracle cards can be created using a structured system or in an unstructured way according to a theme that the author of the deck has developed. As an artist, I love oracle decks because I can appreciate all of the thought, care, and devotion that the artist puts into each card which is really a miniature work of art. A person can ask a question of the universe within and pull an oracle card that gives a possible answer or solution. Working with oracle cards helps a person develop their intuition. People who read oracle cards for other people share their intuitive gifts with others through a card reading.
In Pull, Pen, Paint classes and workshops, there is often developed a wonderful, synchronistic energy among and between the members of the group despite being separated by hundreds or even thousands of miles. Working in a group of like-minded souls is a wonderful way to learn to develop and trust your intuition, to be reminded that we are all one and that the powers of good are always leaning in your direction.
If you are a Christian, and you ask the God of your understanding questions in prayer, and you feel hesitant about satisfying your curiosity about the Tarot, oracle cards, and other forms of divination, I offer that you pray about it and ask for clear guidance. If you ask in prayer, your prayers will always be answered.
After you pray, do your own research and come to your own conclusions as I did. Do not let those old voices from your childhood hinder your ability to be freely expressed today.
Another cool thing about Oracle cards and Tarot is that you can use them in combination with your prayers. It opens so many amazing possibilities for your personal and spiritual development.
If any of this sounds interesting to you, and you would enjoy working with a wonderful group of people who are interested in creative expression, developing their intuition, personal development, and exploring things like divination, astrology, sacred symbols, and more, I invite you to consider registering for Pull, Pen Paint. Click on the link to explore more.
I learned to paint in oil on canvas when I was in college. I loved painting, but I never considered that I could make a living as a painter. For me, it was a very fulfilling hobby, which I was forced to set aside to make room for being a wife, raising my children and working. Over the intervening years since then, I have dabbled occasionally in painting. I would make a painting and give it away as a gift, but most of my work was carefully stored in the back of a closet and life moved on.
During the COVID-19 lockdown, I was inspired to pull out my art supplies and paint again. It soothed my anxiety and gave my hands something to do during those long months of not being able to leave the house.
When I was attending Catholic school as a child, I became fascinated by Mary, the Mother of God. I would pray to her, and she was always there when I needed solace. I have also written poetry about my relationship with Mary. When I started painting again, Mary came to me and told me to paint her, but with brown skin, so I did. Then she told me to paint her with a garland of roses encircling her head, and then she told me to paint her with her palms facing the viewer, and if she were offering healing. As I prepared the canvas for those paintings, she told me to write the, “Hail Mary,” prayer on the canvas first, so I did. The words have been painted over so that you can not see them, but they are there, and I feel like they give the paintings a special energy.
At first, I was painting to amuse myself and to soothe the jangling stress that can arise when one is living in a pandemic. As an empath, I was feeling all the feels, and there was a lot of fear and anxiety in the air in those early days of lockdown. As soon as I decided that this time I was going to paint professionally and sell my work, I suddenly became critical of my art. I scrolled though Pinterest and countless online art galleries and I looked at the work of other artists and I became dejected and morose. When I compared my work to other artists, I was unhappy with it. I started working with an art coach and she helped me to get my head on straight and stop comparing my work to other artists. She told me to paint in my own style and in the way I was being guided to paint because I had a unique style and I had something to say with my art.
Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and he was correct. As soon as I stopped trying to make my work look like what I thought it should look like, and started painting for the sheer joy of it, my work blossomed. I can see improvement in my work with every painting. I am falling in love with the process and I am enjoying what I am producing.
I had been very shy about showing my work because I figured, if I were as critical of my work, I would not be able to bear receiving criticism from others. But I sucked it up and started posting my work on Instagram. I created a Facebook page for my art, and I started making short videos about my art.
Last week I received my first commission, which gave me such a thrill.
Now, I am balancing my time between working on commissions and working on my own paintings. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to make my living from doing my own creative work. I return to seminary in September, so I will be balancing work and school and making art. I intend to grow my art practice to the point where I will be doing my ministerial work and pursuing my art career. I hope to even find a way to combine the two, which would create for me a life of bliss.
I will end with this lovely quote from Lao Tzu, “When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.” Rather than being concerned about whether others respect me, I respect myself and that is what matters.
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April is National Poetry Month. This year, more than any other year, I could not be more pleased to see the coming of this new month. It’s been a while since I participated in National Poetry Month. In years past, I was a member of an online poetry group, and every year we had a poem-a-day challenge for the month of April, which was always a lot of fun. I can’t say that I ever got 30 poems written, but it did help to inspire my creativity and light a little fire under the hind parts of my Muse. I am especially excited to greet this month because my first volume of poetry is coming out. I recently completed my first poetry collection called, I Am Heaven. I could not be more thrilled to hold my first book in my hands. I even shot a quick video of the experience and I managed to do it without crying on camera! A few of the poems in that book were written during the 30 poems in 30 days challenges that I have participated in over the years.
My book is launching, and thanks to the ‘Rona (COVID-19), I will not be able to do any live events. I will be doing a “virtual launch” and I will schedule a live party after the lockdown has been lifted. Last week, I participated in an online writing group where we did timed writing sprints together. I’m thinking about hosting a few Instagram Live poetry writing and reading sprints, given the fact that we’re all stuck at home. Stay tuned. I’ll be posting updates on Instagram about the virtual writing sprints.
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We are entering week three of self-quarantine thanks to the spread of COVID-19. Staying at home day in and day out, not leaving except to walk the dog and not driving anywhere but the grocery store has been a fascinating experience. As an introvert (I am a pure INFJ on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator), when I first heard the news about self-quarantine I said, “Oh, I’ve got this. I’ve been training for this my whole life!” (Giggling under my breath.) But something shifts when you have been ordered to stay inside when going outside and coming into contact with other humans could be detrimental to your health and possibly theirs is another story entirely. While I tend to be compliant and a rule-follower, I do have a rebellious streak. At first, I felt a bit defiant, and honestly, in a lot of denial about the seriousness of this thing. I know that I am not sick, nor have I been in contact with anyone who is sick. But I don’t know with whom other people have been in contact. If I want to help “flatten the curve” of infections, I can do my part by keeping my rebellious behind at home.
My spiritual community held church services online yesterday, and about 60 or so people participated. It was a fun way to connect with my spiritual family from a safe distance. Rev. Joel Fotinos, who is an associate pastor at my church mentioned that he heard someone say that self-quarantine is like the universe telling everyone to go to their room and think about what they have done. I am choosing to treat it as an extended spiritual retreat. I am treating this as a sacred time that I can spend focusing on my spiritual and personal development. Last week was an art week. I did a big mixed-media art project and I made four art journals and one blank journal for a class I’m taking called, Pull, Pen, Paint with the fabulous Kiala Givehand.
What I love about this situation is that it seems to have come to teach each of us an individualized lesson. For some people, it might have come to teach them that they don’t know as much about their children as they thought they did. For others, it might have come to show them how much they rely on the distractions of work, socializing, etc. For me, it has come to teach me how much I have taken those I love for granted. It has come to teach me how selfish I have been with my time and attention, and it is revealing to me the need to deepen my relationship with God.
I am blessed to be a healer, a prayer practitioner, and a seminary student. However, those trappings do not insulate me from fear. When the haze of complete denial was lifted from me, I’m gonna be honest, I had a bit of a freak-out moment. (I’m not giggling anymore.) I began to think about what this crisis is going to do to our economy, and what might happen if the people I know and love get sick. What if I got sick? I began to think about how my life will never be what it was pre-COVID-19, but I have no idea what it will be going forward. But the beautiful part is that I get to decide. I can create a whole new future for myself. And I get to trust that I am divinely guided and supported and that all is well.
As I learn to navigate that #lockdownlife and deal with the challenges of #quarantinelife, I remember that God is always with me, it is within me and it is expressing itself through me and as my life in every moment. God is in this whole situation. God is speaking to this storm as this storm. I am praying for a halt to the spread of new cases of the virus. I am praying for healing for those who are sick with it. I am praying that each of us learns to be obedient and follow the rules that the government established to help curb the spread of the virus. I am praying that each of us learns the unique lessons that this bug came to teach us so that it can fade away to dust and allow us to get on with our new lives.
Honor your own self.
Meditate on your own self.
Worship your own self.
Kneel to your own self.
Understand your own self.
Your God dwells within you as you.
–Muktananda
The summer is winding down and I am preparing for everything about my life to transform. I just completed my studies to become a licensed Science of Mind Prayer Practitioner, (RScP) and in a few weeks I will begin seminary classes on my way to becoming an ordained minister.
I am re-launching my blog as a place to share my journey towards ministry.
Even as I type these words, I am still in awe of the way my life has changed and how it will continue to evolve as I continue to move into my purpose. It has taken a long time, and a lot of struggle, but I have finally embraced my path. The quote from Muktananda, which says, “honor your own self,” is especially appropriate for me today because I have come to the place where I can honor myself as an expression of the Divine. I love knowing that my God dwells within me and expresses itself through me and as my life.
I am thrilled to be stepping into my work as a Prayer Practitioner. I love prayer, and I love being able to use this amazing tool to help people heal and transform their lives. I am here to stand in the gap and lend my clients a bit of my very strong faith and conviction to help them to overcome whatever obstacle seems to be in their path.
After four years of study, prayer and preparation, I am ready to launch myself into my new career. This blog will be my home base where I share what I am learning in my studies, and my insights on what is happening in my world.
I welcome you to join me, and I encourage you to not waste another minute giving your energy and attention to things that do not bring you joy.
Peace be with you.